One surefire morale buster in the workplace is expecting your team to perform tasks without providing them the proper tools. Ask any auto mechanic. Without the right tools, a repair is more difficult, takes more time and frustrates the most patient of grease monkeys.
So too in home repair. Ditto corporate departments. Frustration begets anger, which begets apathy. Couple a lack of tools with insufficient training, catastrophe looms. Ask Mr. K, my best friend’s father.
Summer break is here! Watch out, Cowtown – we college sophomores have far too much time on our hands and way too little money. So Tracy’s dad offers us $50 for chopping down the dead cottonwood tree in their backyard. Neither of us knows math, but we figure 50 bucks will fund a lot of mischief. We seize the job.
We have never cut a tree down, but how hard can that be? Besides, Mr. K. gives us a few pointers:
• Boys, approach it so that the tree falls toward the back of the property near the creek.
• Use your axe to chop a 45-degree notch on that far side of the trunk.
• Then cut a 60-degree notch on the opposite side of the tree, approximately 2 or 3 inches higher on the trunk than that other notch.
• The remaining inner portion of the trunk will fold like a hinge, as the tree falls creek side.
• Got it?
We nod confidently. As I mentioned earlier, we do not know arithmetic, much less geometric angles. But we know what he means!
Up at the crack of crazy the following morning.
• Mr. K. leaves for work – Check!
• Notch in the back side of tree trunk – Check!
• Second notch in front side – Check!
Ahh, the sweet aroma of body odor before lunchtime!
That’s when we hear it (the loud cracking sound). Yes! She is about to fall. She’s leaning . . . the wrong way (toward the house)!
Tracy, get a rope fast!
We don’t have a rope! Will this water hose work?
It’s better than nothing!
Wrap that end of the hose around your waist!
Tracy ties the other end to the tree trunk. I back toward the creek. The tree straightens upright and leans slightly my way.
Whew!
That’s when we hear it (the louder cracking sound). The tree’s headed back toward the house! I back-pedal full speed. The hose is stretching and stretching.
That’s when we hear it (the snapping of the hose). I somersault all the way to the back fence!
And that’s when we hear it (the unmistakable sound of a tree hitting the rooftop).
[NUTSHELL REST OF THE DAY – We summon two buddies with chainsaws to help us remove the evidence. When they stop laughing, the four of us stack firewood. Like TV outlaws hiding footprints, we sweep twigs off the shingled roof. Mr. K. comes home, proudly pays us for a job “well done,” and settles in his recliner for the Texas Rangers telecast.]
That’s when we hear it . . .
Tracy, did you boys let that tree fall on the house?
We slink into the den to a snowy TV screen. As thoughful as we were, we missed one detail – the bent TV antenna. Silently cursing that darn dead cottonwood tree, I realize we are dumb as a stump (pun absolutely intended)!
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Moral: Hire a tree service with properly trained staff. They have rope.
© 2013 Russ Riddle. All rights reserved.