Technology has given us the “luxury” (or curse) of 24-7 accessibility. Unfortunately, this has not improved our communication; technology has worsened it.
We too often”hide” behind technology by habitually texting and e-mailing. While those modes of communication are not bad per se, our misuse thereof gets problematic.
I have fallen off my technologic bicycle more times than I care to admit. I am not alone. When we try to express attitudes and/or emotions via texts or e-mails, we’ll skin our knees most every time. Even when we intend to send “neutral” messages through cyberspace, our recipients may read into our texts/e-mails the attitude or emotion they imagine we mean. The results are bloody relationships.
UCLA social sciences professor, Dr. Albert Mehrabian conducted research in the 1960s and 1970s (long before mass texting and e-mailing) that underscored the enormous role that non-textual cues play in our communication with one another. Dr. Mehrabian found that when we express emotions or attitudes in face-to-face communication, the message is perceived:
7% from our WORDS;
38% from our TONE OF VOICE; and
55% from our BODY LANGUAGE.
While we tend to put much thought into our chosen words, which are important, the import of the wording pales in comparison to our tone and nonverbal communication.
Recipients will “hear” the dominant message!
As I believe there is no one who has mastered the art of communication, I’m convinced that every one of us has been accused of one or more of the following:
“It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it!” (Go ahead and fess up, husbands.)
“What’s with your smirk?”
“Are you eye-balling me?”
“Get those hands off your hips, young lady!” (Daughters – guilty, as charged.)
[The examples are endless.]
Undoubtedly, our nonverbal communication and voice inflections need to be congruent with our words. But what does this have to do with texts and e-mails? Everything!
Emotionally charged messages have no place in cyberspace, period. What’s more, every text or e-mail has the potential to infer emotion or attitude (whether intended or misperceived). Obviously, texts and e-mails have no audible tone or body language, but misperceived innuendo is common.
Every time we start to peck the keys, we should ponder how the message could be misperceived. Perhaps we should simply delete and pick up the phone. Otherwise, the relationship could be irreparably harmed.
[As an aside, think of texts and e-mails as cockroaches. The trite saying, “Cockroaches always come out when company is over” is equally true in litigation – Texts and e-mails always come out. Even when we “delete” (and double delete) them, the data is still recorded and a forensic I.T. professional can retrieve it. The rule of thumb is to never text or e-mail a message you would be unwilling to say in open court.]
Texts and e-mails do have good uses – communicating meetings times, places and locations; communicating facts such as, “I’m 5 minutes away” (when late) or “I’m in a meeting . . . will call you afterward”; and the like. However, when relied upon as our go-to, default means of communication, texts and e-mails are utterly inept.
Telephone conversations are better; face-to-face communication is best.
© 2012 Russ Riddle. All rights reserved.